


(It's Not) Losing It All

by flash0flight



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fluff, M/M, SO MUCH FLUFF, Secret Marriage, post-ws
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-21
Updated: 2014-08-21
Packaged: 2018-02-14 02:55:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2175477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flash0flight/pseuds/flash0flight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is how they would’ve done it, back before the war, if they could’ve. Nice suits and an appointment at City Hall. No big show, no ridiculous ceremony— it wouldn’t be right. It wouldn’t be them.<br/>Steve’d worried someone would notice him. It’s City Hall, someone was bound to pick him out. But apparently Captain America isn’t so noticeable in a nice, dark blue suit, and the fact that no one knows who Bucky is seems to help.<br/>Thank god, because Steve’s still trying to wrap his head around the idea that they can actually do this now, and Bucky seems to be about the same, wringing his hands together nervously as they wait to get called in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(It's Not) Losing It All

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sometimesyoufly (faile02)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/faile02/gifts).



> Something silly and small and kind of nonsensical for a friend who wasn't feeling so great ;;
> 
> Wherein Steve and Bucky get married in secret, and Bucky gets a little jealous over just how flirty Sharon can be sometimes.
> 
> Title from Anberlin's Losing It All

“I don’t wanna tell them.”

Bucky doesn’t really sound sure he even means that, but his expression is set, and there’s a steady look in his eyes that tells Steve he’s not kidding.

“You mean the team?”

“Yeah— yeah. Please? I—“

He hesitates - Steve doesn’t like it when he hesitates, but it happens a lot less now - and Steve doesn’t push. The last thing Bucky needs is for anyone to nudge him into being honest, especially not when it’s coming to him a lot easier than it used to.

“I haven’t— had. Anything that’s just— mine. For a long time, and you’re—“

Bucky finally smiles, and if anything’s gonna make it all worth it, it’s that.

“Gonna be _my_ husband, right? So—“

“Hey—“

Steve reaches for his hands, tangling their fingers together like they always have and their hands still fit together so perfectly, even though Steve’s are so much bigger than they were the first time they did this, even though Bucky’s not always sure his hands are still his own.

“i don’t care who knows, I don’t care if _no one_ knows. So long as I get to marry you.”

Just like the old days, Bucky reels him in, leaning into the kiss Steve presses to his forehead instead of freezing at the contact like he used to for a while.

“I think I can live with that.”

—

This is how they would’ve done it, back before the war, if they could’ve. Nice suits and an appointment at City Hall. No big show, no ridiculous ceremony— it wouldn’t be right. It wouldn’t be _them_.

Steve’d worried someone would notice him. It’s _City Hall_ , someone was bound to pick him out. But apparently Captain America isn’t so noticeable in a nice, dark blue suit, and the fact that no one knows who Bucky is seems to help.

Thank god, because Steve’s still trying to wrap his head around the idea that they can actually _do this_ now, and Bucky seems to be about the same, wringing his hands together nervously as they wait to get called in.

“Buck— hey—“

Trying for a smile, Steve reaches to cover Bucky’s hand with his own, stilling his movements and waiting for him to shift his gaze up, and— he does look nervous, just like Steve’s sure he does. But he looks _happy_ , too, sort of awed, as though he still can’t quite believe it.

“Love you, y’know.”

Bucky manages a smile, too, and that just puts a whole other set of butterflies going in Steve’s stomach.

“Love you, too, even if you are a sap.”

“Learned from the best, y’know.”

—

They don’t really get much of a honeymoon, not when no one knows they're married and Steve manages to be responsible for keeping people safe, but they manage. Specifically, they sneak into a hotel suite, miraculously without anyone figuring out who Steve is, and order the most delicious sounding meal off the room service menu that they could find, purely so they don’t have to leave the room.

The fact that Steve had organised for champagne to be waiting for them in the room had been a nice touch, too.

“Funny to imagine, huh.”

Bucky’s words come out a little muffled as he presses them against Steve’s neck, pressing closer to him as though there’s really any more distance between them to get rid of. And Steve doesn’t mind, he never really does, tightening his arms around Bucky and pressing his own kiss to Bucky’s hair.

“What exactly?”

“That we’d get married. Never thought we’d have a shot at it like this.”

They both know exactly what he means. That they never would’ve even been able to _imagine_ it, back when they were kids. Before the war hit and everything changed, for both of them.

“Hey—“

Steve’s always careful with Bucky, and this is no different, tipping his chin up with care so they can meet each other’s eyes.

“I’m glad we do have a shot at this. And I’m— glad it’s just for us.”

Whatever worry was left in the back of Bucky’s mind disappears. He can’t deny he’d been a little anxious about how Steve felt about this, about keeping it all hidden. But hearing him say it out loud, that it’s okay— that he’s _glad_ — Bucky can’t deny it’s a relief.

“You always did like keeping me all to yourself.”

Steve’s always had a laugh that’s just for Bucky, and every time he hears it it makes him feel that little bit more at home. Just like now.

“What can I say, I’m not fond of sharing.”

“Be kinda disappointed if you were.”

Really, Bucky couldn’t ask for anything else.

—

It took a few tries for them to get used to being around the team and being _completely_ normal, but they got the hang of it eventually. Sure, they had some close calls, but— well, for a group of highly intelligent and astute scientists, assassins, and a _god_ , they seem to be pretty good at missing little signs.

Like Steve making sure to brush his hand against Bucky’s when he walks past, or Bucky making a point to meet Steve’s eyes when Stark starts rambling again. Like the way they never sit too far from each other, or how they make a point not to leave together just so they can find each other when everyone’s gone off to do whatever it is they do.

They haven’t noticed— and really, that’s how Steve likes it, and he knows Bucky’s the same. He knows it’s nice for them to have something that’s _just_ for them. Something they don’t need to share.

—

Bucky’s hands grip harder on the edge of the table as he hears Carter laugh, and he knows he can’t say anything, but he doesn’t know how Steve can miss it, she’s being so _obvious_ —

“Hey, Barnes—“

Natasha startles him back to reality and Bucky loosens his grip a little on the edge of the table, trying to act as casual as he can manage and hoping to god she doesn’t say anything. Because there’s no way he hasn’t noticed - it’s _Natasha,_ Bucky’s learned she hardly misses a trick - but maybe she’ll miss the reason.

Hopefully.

“You’re going to leave dents in that table if you’re not careful.”

“Yeah, sure—“

Steve’d said going out for lunch with a few of the other guys on the team would be fun, that it’d be good for them to socialise a little more, rather than hiding out in Steve’s apartment whenever they’re not out on missions. But Bucky’s got a sour taste in the back of his mouth that says otherwise, and it only gets stronger every time Sharon laughs at one of Steve’s silly jokes.

“You wanna share with the class?”

“Huh—“

Bucky’s staring at them now, which couldn’t possibly be more obvious, and he hopes he wasn’t looking too lovesick. Shaking his head, he turns his attention back to his lunch, trying to ignore the angry green monster rolling around in his stomach.

“M’good, sorry.”

“No wonder Rogers is such a bad liar.”

“Very funny.”

—

“So, that dame—“

Steve can’t help but raise an eyebrow at Bucky’s comment, waiting for the end of it. When it doesn’t come, he asks himself, keeping his tone as gentle as possible.

“You mean Sharon?”

“Yeah— yeah. She— related to Peggy, right?”

As casual as Bucky’s voice sounds, Steve recognises the underlying tone. Hell, he’d heard it before, back during the war when he and Peggy were getting to know each other.

“Peggy’s her aunt, actually.”

“You can— see it. The resemblance, that is—“

“Buck—“

Steve has to try not to laugh as he reaches for Bucky’s hands, stilling his movements and pulling him a little closer, ignoring the slight resistance Bucky puts up against his gentle tug.

“She’s a friend, Bucky. That’s all.”

“I know— _I know_ , c’mon—“

“So _relax—_ “

Bucky caves, leaning closer to Steve and burrowing his head against Steve’s shoulder, and Steve knows he’s a little lost for words, like he’s still not entirely sure it’s his place to speak. Like he’s not really used to the fact that he’s allowed to speak up for himself, now.

“I just— you guys seemed really— I dunno, happy? And she was laying it on pretty thick—”

“Bucky, c’mon— She was _not_ , and even if she was—“

Nudging him back a little, Steve pulls at the chain around his neck, tugging out from under the collar of his shirt and holding it up so Bucky can see the ring he keeps on it, wearing it close whenever they’re out in the open together. More or less because he can’t bear the thought of not having it with him, really.

“Already taken, remember? You’re stuck with me, Barnes. Whether you like it or not.”

Bucky lets out a small, somewhat strangled chuckle, but it’s a start and Steve gladly takes it as a good sign.

“Kinda ridiculous, aren’t I.”

“Kinda, yeah. You should know by now I’ve only got a thing for reckless brunettes—“

“Figured that one out, yeah.”

They both laugh together, wrapping their arms around each other and settling close, like they always do when they’re together. Making the most of being alone, of having this _all_ to themselves, letting go of the rest of the world, just for a little while.


End file.
